Jokingly, but stated nonetheless, and in a time of frustration…

You know how there’s always those people who never seem to get along with anyone?  It’s like, “If no one likes you, go kill yourself!”

By now, you all have probably heard of a “mulatto,” or a person of mixed black and white ancestry.  Perfect.

Well, what may not be so black and white is this next PatFact, which I can almost guarantee you have not heard of…

The mulatto skin tone is viewed as the most sexy and best looking worldwide.  You could survey whomever, and they will all tell you that.

Simply remarkable.

There are some thoughts that we all know run across the minds of every last one of us.  Then, unfortunately for some, there are those thoughts that we all understand run across only the dirty minds.  The following may be considered to be one such thought:

If you’re ever faced with the decision to either get a blowjob with a bunch of people watching, or to forgo getting a blowjob altogether, you choose the blowjob.

…YEP.

WARNING: This next PatFact may just blow your mind!  No, not really.  But, I must say, this one  — though it may be a bit prematurely labeled — is officially my all-time favorite PatFact.

If you’re happy, you drink; If you’re sad, you drink; And if you’re somewhere in the middle, why not throw one back?  That’s just the way it is.

…Eloquentia Perfecta…

This one really blew my mind.  I mean, I literally lost sleep thinking about exactly where this little line of logic has been for centuries.  I believe that what we have here can quite truthfully hold the secrets of our universe, and it’s as simple as anything…

As long as you’re nice to a girl, treat her well, she’ll let you fuck her. Guaranteed.

…and there you have it, folks. Was it everything you hoped it would be?  It was for me.  Alas, the secret to women.

Anyone who goes to a sporting event and doesn’t have a beer is gay, legitimately.

…It must be so, that it is only proper etiquette to grab one’s self a cold one when watching your favorite athletes do what it is they do best.  Lesson learned.

Um… Yeah, still trying to figure this one out.  Not exactly sure how it works, but it was said, thus officially qualifying it as a PatFact:

The ball never lies; If a man does not deserve to score, he will not score –– End of story.

…Pretty sure the logic doesn’t quite follow.  But maybe it’s just me – ?

First of all, I know you’re all probably thinking this is weird to have been brought up in a conversation among dudes.  But please, put the judgmental leaps and bounds to rest and take this PatFact for what it is…

99.9% of women want men with no hair on their bodies

People who take their shoes off in public places should be shot… fucking assholes.

Okay.  Here’s the plan of action, after much heated debate and planning.  Simply put, we will be posting PatFacts as frequently as they are served up by the cook.  This could mean that there are multiple PatFacts one day and then a week-long dry spell before the next (keep in mind, however, that the latter is highly doubtful).  What we mean to say is: Bear with us.

That being said, we would like to share our first ever PatFact:

Ninety-five percent of baseball players (MLB) in the nineties were complete assholes.  Everyone knows that…